This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh god the rape fog is back!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
