Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
