Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
