Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pants are for mortals
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
