Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
