Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
