your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
