I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
