I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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