I just made out with a guy for $7.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
