I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
