his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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