Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
