he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
