Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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