Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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