i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
