i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
