He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
