6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
