Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
