yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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