Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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