Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
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