The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
