Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
