You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
