that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
