My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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