don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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