don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
