At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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