I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
