You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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