so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
