tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
