Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
