I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
