would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
