he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is Oprah even human
Randomize