Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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