Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
