hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
