I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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