that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why do cheetos always look like penises
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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