My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
