the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
