As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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