Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i drank out of a bidet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize