Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
