I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
