Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
