Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
