And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's just like the Real World with babies
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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