I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
