I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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