I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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