Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
