Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
