my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
