Someone shit on the floor
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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