So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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