I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
