like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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