so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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