We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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