I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
