capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
