He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize