I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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