Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
