I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize