the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
