I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
