I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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