yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
