too bad you live with your parents still
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
